he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
