That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
