if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
