I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
