? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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