You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
