She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
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WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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Dicks are not precious.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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