K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have aggressive nipples.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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