paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Randomize
