Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
