Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
