well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
