I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
