I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
