if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
