She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
