Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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