This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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