When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
there is glitter all over my balls
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
