I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
