My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
