chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
