He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
