these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
