alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
