soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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