we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just gift wrapped bread.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
