i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He better not be in your backpack
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
