good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
