Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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