Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
