omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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