Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
