apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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