I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
