I'm drive I can fine osifer
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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