That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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