now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
