They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Terrible idea I love it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
