I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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