Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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