I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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