I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
