I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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