i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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