just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
