I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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