Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
