somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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