you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
