There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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