I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
