I like my sex mixed with concussions.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
