just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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