How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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