i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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