You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
