i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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