so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
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i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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