My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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