I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
