I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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