My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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