he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
