Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he thought i was a dude.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
