I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
