shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
