In America we eat man semen.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
