She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize