No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
