I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
