I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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