my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
