I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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