so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
