dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
