My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
