Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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