im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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