i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
