He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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