everyone is single if you try hard enough
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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