Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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